"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." ~ J.K. Rowling
In my "first" post of this renewing of my blog, I talked a little bit about possibly having hit "rock bottom," That's a REALLY big term, right? Thinking about it, my "rock bottom" could just be a bump in the road of my life at this time, honestly. It's just that I've never quite felt mentally and emotionally like I do now; this is by far the most stressed and the most lonely and the most lost, so in the scheme of my own life, it has been pretty stinking bad.
But that's not necessarily a bad thing. I've found a great podcast, the Your Kick Ass Life podcast with Andrea Owen. One episode I recently listened to talks about "rock bottom" being the point at which you actually start to feel human again. You can't avoid your stresses and emotions and problems and loneliness anymore - you have to face them head on. And facing those things, breaking down, being forced to actually FEEL all of those things for REAL...that's a good thing. We learn a lot from it. We grow from it. We get stronger because of it, we build stronger and more meaningful relationships because of it. We know ourselves better, we can make better progress toward our goals, we can BE BETTER because of it.
That's where I'm hoping I am now. At the rebuilding point. Where I can cry and open up to my confidants, where I can learn that I'm not the only one who feels this way, and we're all in this together and we can do all of this grown up stuff that we have to do and it will all be okay. Just keep swimming...find your pod or tribe or gaggle, and keep going.
My problem has been that I can hardly even get out of bed in the morning. I flat out don't want to. And find myself without a reason to, until the very last second when I HAVE to or else I'll be late for work. So I'm barely on time for work. That's the ONLY reason I've found lately to actually get out of bed...just to not be late for work. And it feels shitty. There's got to be something more.
One of the things I started with this week was just making the bed in the morning. I have been saying I'm going to implement a whole morning routine, a la The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod, and I even made my list of routine things I want/need to do, and was having a really hard time even getting myself out of bed. So, I needed a reason to actually get up. I'm still struggling with not hitting snooze for 40 minutes, but on Tuesday last week I snoozed and then when I got up, I made the bed. Then yesterday I did it again. Still snoozed, maybe five or ten minutes less...? Not sure. Every day since then, I've still snoozed (albeit less than I used to), but I've made the bed. Every single day since a week ago. Now it's Tuesday again, so this marks the 8th day in a row.
Making the bed is now a thing. It's a daily thing, and when I walk in the door at the end of the day and see the bed made, it is one less thing that used to be stressful for me to look at. The pillows aren't on the floor anymore, they're on the bed, that's made. And I love it.
That's all for now, friends! I'll be continuing this rebuilding theme for a while now, because that's where I'm at in my life, and I'm going to keep doing it. Every day the goal is: better than before. Now, go forth, friends, and be better than before!