Sunday, May 12, 2013

Things People Say to Reassure You

"Everything happens for a reason."
"Don't sweat the small stuff" (and for some reason they'll add "and it's all small stuff.")
"If it's meant to be, it will be."

Yes, everything does happen for a reason - because someone made a choice, whether that person was me or you or someone else. Whatever happened is a direct result of someone making a choice and performing an action. It's not a mystery, it's not comforting to say there's some supernatural reason for things to have happened...because there isn't. The reason is that a human performed an action or spoke chosen words or made some other choice. Or there was some natural disaster.

It's not all small stuff. In fact, most of it is pretty big stuff. If it's truly not a big thing, someone wouldn't feel the need to reassure me. Instead, they should say "get a grip, it's not a big thing, get over it" or something of the like. There could be some explanation as to why said thing is not a big thing, or a question directed at me as to why such a thing is a big thing, and it may turn out to actually be a very small thing after all. In which case, get a grip. Otherwise, it's a big thing and it's something worth stressing over and working hard for in order to gain the desired outcome.

Nothing is "meant" to be. You don't just sit back and count on the things to happen that are "meant" to be. You make those things happen. You choose to act or not to act. If you think you ended up so lucky to have had something amazing just happen to you, think back to past choices you've made - the people you choose to associate yourself with, the job you choose, the location you chose to be in at a given time, etc. Everything else is a result of the choices of other people.

I know that at this point, you're probably thinking "wow, how cynical, how can she ever be happy with that attitude, etc etc etc..." I'm just not reassured when people say any of those above examples to me when something happens. Let's be honest - there are some things that have happened or not happened that I wish I could say "it happened (or didn't happen) for a reason." But that's not actually my opinion at all, so lying to myself about it to try to make myself feel better sure doesn't work. Being honest, making modifications to my actions and choices, trying again, trying differently, putting some sort of WORK into it usually results in the desired (or at least an acceptable) outcome, or at least puts me onto the right path towards the desired outcome.

And sometimes, you just have to know when to freaking quit already. And it's okay to quit. To choose to lose touch with "friends" you don't feel are such good friends anymore, or maybe never were but you didn't realize it until now. To choose to try another career path, to choose to walk away from a project that truly is a small thing but somehow was made into a big thing much earlier and now has drained an incredible amount of productivity that could have been put toward something that actually was a big thing. It's okay to ask for help, to seek more information, to change my opinion about something when it's warranted. Quitting, asking for help, etc - none of that means admitting defeat. It means prioritizing and moving forward.

I could probably keep going on about this and get onto lots of different tangents, but I tried to avoid that this time. I just wanted to share general thoughts on some comments I've heard over and over and over in the past 9 days that, as well-intentioned as their speakers may be, have not been helpful. Of course, except for the fact that I then reflected on those comments and why they were not helpful or reassuring to me.

Anyway, thanks for reading y'all, and until next time...goodnight!

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Thanks for your thoughts!